| Sometimes having a publisher named R.U. Sirius has its advantages.
For instance, lots of strange freaks think they're getting messages from
the dogstar Sirius. One group, the Solar Temple, committed group suicide
believing they would be raptured up to Sirius aboard spacecraft. What they
didn't know was that, once there, R.U. planned to sell 'em off as slaves.
Scandinavians make excellent slaves! The Heaven's Gate group never made it clear where that spaceship behind the comet was supposed to take them. But R.U. Sirius received these diary notes from an anonymous member of the group, who clearly thought he was sending a message "home." We had it authenticated by a fully licensed authenticator. It's really real, really. --justpat |
| 13 May 1994--Well, the astrologer said that the
eclipse on Wednesday would be a turning point in my life, and I've got
to tell you it sure has been! I was in a park in Atherton last Wednesday watching the last solar eclipse of this century, when I saw a group of nicely dressed people forming a circle around this old dude who looked a bit like the talking tree in the Wizard of Oz. I so wanted to join the group, to feel a sense of belonging, but was afraid to make a move. Later, after the eclipse was over, a few of them came over to me. We started talking, and they asked me if I was seeking inner peace and higher spiritual truth. I burst into tears as I told them "yes." They hugged me and told me it was all right. They gave me some Kool-Aid. So now, three days later, I'm here--a guest of my new friends who call themselves the "Heaven's Gate Religious Community." I'm not worried about the symbolism of Friday the 13th. Marshall (excuse me, he wants us to call him "Do!") said we'd be leaving all symbolism and superstition behind as we ascended the higher plains of consciousness. 9 Nov 1994--Today I was made a full-fledged brother of the order. I am now a cell in the body of Heaven's Gate. My indoctrination into the teachings of Do is ongoing and, in reality, will not cease until The Body leaves this Earth. The catechism training portion went really well: I could name the major characters in the X-Files, and I got extra bonus points for knowing Captain Picard's Starfleet serial number. I was made a member of The Body in a moving, loving ceremony and I start my HTML training next week. The happiness of the other members at my incorporation convinces me that I have found what I have been looking for all my life. It's way better than that weekend I spent in the Mondo mansion. 3 Aug 1995--A new cell joined The Body today. He's an older man named Thomas Nichols. He somehow looked familiar, as if I'd seen his face before, but of course, Do teaches us that questions are a prison for the mind, so I didn't have the nerve to ask Brother Nichols where I know him from. I'm burning with curiosity, but Do knows best. 4 Aug 1995--Now I know why Brother Nichols seems so familiar. He is the brother of Nichelle Nichols, Lt. Uhura on the original Star Trek. I am afraid, for I fear that Brother Nichols' arrival will widen a rift that has appeared within The Body. You see, half of us like Star Trek: The Next Generation and half of us like Star Trek: The Original Series. Brother Nichols' arrival is sure to tip the balance in favor of the old show, and I've already *seen* all the episodes in the old show! I'm so nervous--a split like this could destroy The Body. I like Next Generation! I can't help myself. (I've got to stop saying that: Do teaches us that the only time we should say "I can't help myself" is when we're singing "Sugar Pie Honey Bunch"). 1 Oct 1996--Oh, God! Oh, God! The Body can't believe it. Do has prostrate cancer. How could such a man be taken from us when he has so much more to do and teach us. No. The Body can't believe it. Do is nowhere near ready to leave this earth. It cannot be true. It cannot. Do told The Body that the treatment for prostrate cancer involves the soul-enhancing ritual of castration. Do said he would be making this offering to God fairly soon, and suggested that other members of The Body consider making the offering as well. Do reminded us that the testicles, not the penis or the brain, is the center for all sin; and the less sin we have, the more quickly we'd leave this earth. This cell of The Body will seriously set its mind to considering making the Offering; remember, Do teaches us that gifts are pieces of ourselves. How true, how true. 11 Oct 1996--Hallelujah!!!!!!!!!! The Body is soooooooooo happy today!!! Do told us that the earthly news media had reported a UFO behind Comet Hale-Bopp!!! This is it!!! This is the sign!!!! The Body danced and prayed at the news, and Do was so happy that he authorized another helping of applesauce for dessert tonight .After dinner, Brother Darryl took out his Celestron telescope and, using coordinates from the Internet, quickly located the comet! The Body took turns looking through the telescope and viewing our "ride" off this sinful planet! This cell of The Body was filled with awe and wonder when I realized that the UFO I was seeing with my own eyes is the same one Do has been in telepathic communication with for years!!! I am so lucky to be a cell in this Body at this time! 16 March 1997--Do told me that today this cell of The Body would make its Offering to God. I was a bit nervous, but Do took my head in his hands in that way that he has and began to talk to me. He said that foreskins were dirty and prone to infection. Did I miss my foreskin? I told Do no. Imagine how much happier I would be, he said, when I didn't have to worry about my Sin Purse. I love it when Do explains things so clearly. I told him I was ready to make my Offering. Great X-Files tonight--a repeat of the "Ice" episode with that actress Felicity-what's-her-name. 23 March 1996--The lunar eclipse has begun, and Sister Grace hands me my applesauce. This cell of The Body only has a few moments to write these final thoughts as the applesauce is consumed. This cell is at peace. Many times before, when this cell was a free-floating organism, tempest tossed, unbound to a Higher Source; I had made journeys, but nothing like the journey to be made tonight. I checked my wallet and my money, my ID card and my passport. I'm ready for wherever the future takes me. I am at peace. |
