| As needlessly alarmist as Chick Tracts are, they are strictly Mickey Mouse in comparison to The Crusaders series of full-sized color
comics. Chick authored The
Crusaders series from the mid-70's to the early 80's, and
it shows. The two Crusaders themselves
constitute a fundamentalist Christian Mod
Squad-two muscular young men, one black, one white, both square-jaw
handsome--who travel the world in polyester
leisure suits helping good Christians
and "saving" those who have run astray. Tim Clark, the
Steve Canyon white guy, is a
former Green Beret, while "Big" Jim Carter, complete
with afro and Superfly duds, is a former
drug-dealing badass who was saved by
a neighborhood minister. Unlike the primitive tracts, with their
goofy, overweight demons and
HAW! HAW! panels, The Crusaders comics are bulging
with paranoiac text and posable action
figure artwork. The plotlines are incidental,
as the Crusaders series is primarily a vehicle for Chick's
deeply paranoid and hate-mongering conspiracy
theories concerning the Roman Catholic
church. In each "adventure", the two heroes either run
into or accompany a pedagogical
character who functions as a mouthpiece for Chick's spiraling
conspiracies. In the final six volumes of The Crusaders, Chick allows a real live former Jesuit, Dr. Alberto Rivera, to take the stand and expose the spidery depths of the Satanic Vatican world conspiracy. In these issues, the two Crusaders are merely in the room as Alberto outlines the Vatican's devilish plot to bring about the One World Religion and Government which will herald beginning of the Great Tribulation. Alberto spins an all-encompassing, impossibly web-like conspiracy theory, an unfortunate conflation of Pynchon and Hitler. Under the guidance of Satan, according to Alberto, the Roman Catholic church is responsible for nearly every evil event in world history. The Alberto series renders UFO and JFK theories positively comforting. Even the dreaded Illuminati, usually the shadowy umbrella organization behind all conspiracies, is merely a side project of the Jesuit order, and subordinate to the Vatican. In the Alberto series, portions of the grand narrative overlap, and often contradict one another, making a linear conception of the conspiracy nearly impossible. However, I have tried to trace a genealogy, through the eyes of Chick and his Vatican-baiting mouthpiece, of Satan's influence on world history through the Roman Catholic church. [Eds. Note: In the interest of brevity (not to mention protecting our asses from Chickies armed with the crucifixes which might well signal our demise(s)...we have decided to split the following section off into its own page, which-even though the address says revolting.com-is actually housed on a site run by the Illuminati. Prepare yourself, and... Click here to know the TRUTH!!! and don't say we didn't warn you. Armageddon is a tough act to follow, but I should mention that according to Chick, the Great Tribulation will be upon us within a few years, and your sinning ass will be charbroiled to perfection unless you repent immediately. Don't get stuck gnashing your teeth in the Lake of Fire, write to Chick today and find out how to get saved. Amen. |
|
For a Chick publications catalog, write
to Chick Publications, PO Box 662, Chino,
CA 91708-0662. Or call (909) 987-0771. Eightball #1 contains a fine parody of a Chick Tract entitled "Devil Doll", by Dan Clowes. Available at better comics stores. Two hilariously détourned Chick Tracts-The Visitors and Bad Bob Larson -are available for $1.00 each from Jaymes Douglas Fyr, PO Box 1511, Bellingham, WA 98277-1511. The Visitors has two NORML types witnessing to unsaved Republican Narcs. The NORMLs are espousing the cause of the Church of Hemp. Bad Bob Larson is Chick's Biker Bob redone with California radio evangelist Bob Larson as the "bad" biker. Tribulation 99: Alien Anomalies under America. A film by Craig Baldwin. Substituting space alien invaders for Jesuits, this bravura work of paranoid conspiracy theory is in the spirit of Chick's Crusaders series of full sized comics. "Nimrod's Son." A song from the Pixies' Come on Pilgrim. This tale of abjection conflates the story of Semiramis, Nimrod, and their son, Tammuz, with Oedipus' painful discovery of his incestuous parentage. |
